To My Beloved Darling Cousin
Sunday, June 29, 20089:05 PM
I'm not sure darling, when you're going to read this. I just hope that you do read it Syaah..I'm confused. Baffled. What is going on?What you have been telling me before you told the 'truth', was it even true?It's just too confusing for me to get what is happening now because simply, complications has been occuring..But now, the things that you're trying to tell me are the truth?While...what about the one that you've been telling me before?It's not that I don't trust you anymore, I still do.But I'm not sure if it's this or that which is the truth.I read it like 5times now.Slowly, trying to understand, and making sure I read it right and that the true meaning of it is obtained.New informations absorbed.Still, I'm puzzled.I do get it that you have fallen for him.I do not mind at all.Feelings are sometimes too hard to control. It just happens. I don't mind, really. 'Cause you should know that I believe truely in fate that if it's meant to be, then it will be.But what do you mean purposely?I'm seriously trying to tell myself right now that you didn't try to...I hate to have to say this dear one 'cause it seems too harsh to use it on you and I'm not sure if it's the spot-on vocab to use...potong jalan?Okay..I really feel that's too harsh to say. No I don't think you tried to do that. It's not as if I had him in the first place anyway, so I wasn't being cut off or anything.But did you try do something like that?I'm not going to accuse you.Never.Well I'm just basically confused here. Too mixed up.Anyways, all of the above are besides the point.That's not to my upmost concern.What's to my main concern is.What the hell are you trying to do?Hurting him... Hurting yourself..!That's totally not what I want.And having both of you hurt, just leaves me hurt too baby.I don't know what to do.This has just left me stuck in between.You're my dearest little cousin who I grew up with, the person I couldn't wait to meet up with everytime, the person who makes me jump and hop around in my room when I knew I was going to your house.And he's my friend. A friend that's just too good to be true. Full of surprises. A person I grew fond of.Thanks for trying to help out with whatever that you did, I didn't realise you were helping. It was so kind and I appreciate it. ( Put aside that thought if you're thinking whatever that's negative. Don't you dare think anything negative okay. I'm positive here. )Well, one way or the other, I end up feeling bad.I feel bad about what has turned out now. I feel it was partly my fault.Anyways, what has happened has happened. Nasi dah jadi bubur.We just have to face forward. I'm not sure whether your friendship with him is really over or it will be back in the future. I just hope it does.Thanks for the encouragement.But I think you need it more than I do now.You've always been a strong person.You just have to stay strong.And please, you shouldn't give up. I know what you have done was stupid and kind of thoughtless in a way. But the consequence isn't there to take your life away. Take this as a blessing from Allah. A lesson he gave you a chance to learn from. An opportunity to be a better person.I believe in you.I care for you.And I too love you as my sister. We are sisters, aren't we?More importantly, I still accept you even for your mistakes, whatever it is, because no one is perfect.I do not expect things to be exactly the same. But I would love if it is.'Cause I can't bear to lose the one person that I have that I can count on, the person I share all the stupid childish memories with.I just don't want to lose you as my sister.May we stay as close as we were.We shall carry on to talk, joke, crap and do all those stupic things together.I have always been here for you. I have always supported you through many things. Close one eye on your stupid things. I will seriously continue doing so. Whenever you need a listening ear, or just a shoulder to cry on, have me first or second or third or fourth or fifth in your list.And just one thing to note.Stop feeling freaking bad. It's not going to freaking help.And just put aside all these nuisance.If you want me to forgive you, please have nothing below B4 in your 'O' Levels.Love you to the maximum.I prioritize you above the maintainence of my ass.Naj.
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