And he was like wearing really formal lah. The pants like high. Haha. Too bad lah he didn't want to take picture while we stood 'cause he felt a little embarrased that his pant were high. Hahaha. It's okay darling, you still look hot. Right right right. Hahaha! So that's me, with bad hair. Take your attention away from it people, thanks. So yeah, Those envelopes are what I received for the Award Ceremony. Yeah, it was kind of cool. Caught some kip during rehearsal and while waiting for the event to kick off.

And as said to Azri that I'll post this, I actually bumped into a pillar. Yes, crashed into it. So PAISEI! I was walking like a crab sideways while looking at Azri who was on my right, and I went straight into a pillar. Hahaha! Kemek sey muka! My bottle got dent. My envelopes got crumpled. Lucky my nose nothing happen to it. So yes, laugh at me lah AZRI! See my face only laugh!

Hmm. So I guess we talked about it. And I'm not so lost anymore. Even though at some parts I still am. Things have gone so wrong. It has gone far, and we're not sure if we can catch it again and hold it close to ourselves again. We are different now, I'm not sure if we can be like we used to. It's tough to say. I'd just leave it for nature to take it's course.

I just feel like we don't deserve each other. Or maybe, it's just me who don't deserve you. I don't know what to say exactly. It's like the right words can't be found when we're talking. I don't even know what to say here. But then, I just don't think I should be accepted in your lives.

It's like I'm to blame. For being stupid. For being an idiot. For being a jerk. For being an attention seeker. For being so freaking blur. Whatever it is I am in your eyes now. I am real sorry. I shouldn't have turned out the way I had. I'm not really sure why I did. Maybe what I think the reason is, is right or wrong. No idea.

Gosh. This is like super shittoes. I hate this. I dislike the way I was, or rather, the way I am. I don't know. You know what. I wish that I could go somewhere overseas alone, maybe Adelaide. HAHAHA! Okay, kidding, although this is so not funny and I'm so freaking serious here. But come on lah okay, I need to have a laugh after...Anyways, yeah well. I just want to go somewhere away from my world. Not running away from it. Just want to think. I mean tomorrow is Sunday and then Monday, there's school. So like how am I supposed to like get my mind off things in such little time, to refresh myself. To break down without being worried that Mum might see and interogate me. Right. That's besides the point.

I don't wish for anything much. I'm just going to sit back and see where the river flows. Take my time to think. This is getting frustrating. Never talk to you, I think alot and alot and I get frustrated. After I talk to you, i STILL think alot and alot, but I don't get frustrated. I just feel moodless. It's like my soul is missing. Just sitting here staring at me lappy, with my fingers moving, and my mind doing the talking. The noise from the television and the people downstair don't seem to affect me now. And there's actually music played from my playlist but I feel like it's not entering my earhole. And it's like you're breathing, but it feels like it's not part of you, not part of your body actions.

I don't know. I just don't. Do people who are having a coma feel this way? Like it's just you in a world, trapped alone. Except of course I can snap out of it but they can't.

Anyways, I want to apologize to you guys. Sorry for everything. For what I've done. For what has happened. For hurting you. For not realising things. For being some kind on a squid.

But I would like to thank you too, for trying out something that you feel might work. For actually doing something, when all along I thought you didn't. In a way, you had your good intentions, you wanted to help me. How much I really appreciate it you have no idea. I thank you soo soo much.

With much heartfelt.